


i'll dance with these beautiful ghosts

by orphan_account



Series: bmc one shots/drabbles [4]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (which i think is by taylor swift), Angst, Based on 'Beautiful Ghosts' from Cats, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, but i was tried when i wrote this and i sort of like it so, rich's squip is in this but it's only referred to as 'the voice', the ending is rushed and there is a fairly obvious point where it starts going downhill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22209118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the memories were lost long ago / but at least you have beautiful ghosts
Relationships: Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski
Series: bmc one shots/drabbles [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561393
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	i'll dance with these beautiful ghosts

the pitter-patter of the rain echoes through rich's head, almost drowning out his thoughts. he tries to mentally lost off everything he can see to completely drown them, and it works until he spots him.

jake dillinger sits on a bench, crying quietly. rich can hear the voice mock him more, telling him jake's sorrows are his fault. rich forces the voice to the back of his head, and sits besides jake.

"hi."

_follow me home if you dare to,_  
_i wouldn't know where to lead you,_

jake looks up at him, sniffling slightly. subconsciously, jake wipes away his tears, attempting to smile. "hey."

"are you ok?"

jake nods, his smile unbearably fake. "definitely."

rich shifts uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to console him friend. the voice doesn't make it any easier. "you don't seem ok."

jake's smile falters for a moment. "it's nothing."

_should i take chances when no one took chances on me?_

rich mentally revises conversations similar to this he'd had in the past, desperately not wanting to fuck up. "you can tell me if something's bothering you."

jake's smile fades completely and he stares at his hands. "i just keep thinking about before my parents left. about how happy we were. about how different thing might've been if they'd stayed."

the voice taunts rich, saying he doesn't even have good memories. it tells him it means he was always destine to be a fuck up. rich tells it to shut up.

_so i watch from the dark, wait for my life to start,_  
_with no beauty in my memory,_

the voice's taunts get louder. rich feels selfish for thinking about himself while he should be consoling his friend. (could he really call jake that?)

_all that i wanted was to be wanted,_  
_too young to wander london streets, alone and haunted,_  
_born into nothing,_

"sometimes it's therapeutic to think about back then and what could've changed. but most times it better to let go." rich tells him softly. jake nods mutely, breathing deeply.

_at least you have something, something to cling to,_  
_visions of dazzling rooms i'll never get let into,_

"it's hard. the memories are foggy, but they're all i have." jake says quietly.

"it is nice to cling onto old memories." rich admits.

_and the memories were lost long ago,_  
_but at least you have beautiful ghosts,_

(the voice laughs, saying his old memories are just the old man being drunk and mad. rich tells it to fuck off.)

_perilous night, their voices calling,_  
_a flicker of light before the dawning,_  
_out here, the wild ones are taming the fear within me,_

the two sit in silence for a bit, the only sound being the rain when it hits the ground.

"it's nice to be able to talk to a friend." jake says, braking the silence.

rich swallows the lump in his throat and nods mutely.

_scared to call them my friends and be broken again,_  
_is this hope just a mystical dream?_

after a little longer, jake stands, shivering slightly. "i think we should both head home. i'll see you at school."

rich nods and waves, and soon he's alone again. alone with the voice and the pitter-patter of the rain.

_and so maybe my home isn't what i had known,_  
_what i thought it would be,_

subconsciously, his mind drifts to his (supposed) friends. he thinks about jeremy and the way he tries to make rich feel included. he thinks about jenna and the way she offers to shut down any rumours that make him uncomfortable. he thinks about brooke and how nice she was when he broke down in front of her. he thinks about chloe and how she makes an effort to be less bitchy. he thinks about michael and how he told rich his house always had a place for him if he needs it. he thinks about christine and how constantly supportive of everyone she is. he thinks about jake and how he tries his best at everything, including making his friends happy.

_but i feel so alive with these phantoms of night,_  
_and i know that this life isn't safe, but it's wild and it's free,_

the voice grows a little quieter as rich thinks about how accepted his friends make him feel. it's arguments grow weaker as rich tells himself he can make his own good memories.

 _all that i wanted was to be wanted,_  
i'll never wander London streets, alone and haunted,  
_born into nothing_

he thinks about his conversation with jake. clinging to the past rarely works. sometimes you have to let go and make something new. (he makes a note to text jake later and tell him about his epiphany. it might help jake next time he has a night like this.)

 _with them, i have something, something to cling to,_  
i never knew i'd love this world they've let me into,

rich smiles to himself, the voice almost completely gone. he begins the walk back to his house and, for the first time in a while, he lets himself feel hopeful for what's yet to come.

_and the memories were lost long ago,_  
_so i'll dance with these beautiful ghosts,_  
_and the memories were lost long ago,_  
_so i'll dance with these beautiful ghosts,_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! kudos and comments are appreciated, and if you want to follow my tumblr it's @astrologystump. :)


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